Relief Over Heartache
by Salome Weil
Summary: What if, in the events of episode 21, JanDi realizes that her life without JunPyo will go on and that her future happiness is in her own hands?  Oneshot!


**Disclaimer: I own no part of Boys Over Flowers or its related franchise, all rights to the respective owners/creators.**

**AN: I wrote this as I neared the end of watching the series and felt myself grow increasingly angry with this romanticized approach to the emotional vicitmization of men that takes precedence over whatever pain or suffering the heroine goes through. Like, JanDi is just supposed to ignore the legitimate suffering of a white knight like JiHoo and go for JunPyo, whose attentions caused her nothing but sorrow? Right. That's brilliant. So I wrote this as a way to deal with my frustrations over this series. In my little corner of fantasy land, JanDi comes to her senses, dishes out reality checks about how she's been treated and her character has regressed to a submissive mouse, and chooses freedom (and probs JiHoo). Since, alas, that is not the real case...JiHoo, call me.**

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><p>She felt JaeKyung's arms go around her and held her tight in return…and knew, she <em>knew<em> that she needed to say something, to alleviate the pain that her friend was feeling. To say, no, JaeKyung, those feelings you and everyone else thinks I still harbor, the idea that I still love JunPyo, or loved him so dearly that I must still suffer over all this…that is the real lie. And the truth? The truth is that I started to get over him a long time ago. When I came to my senses, I was living as a maid in the house of the man whose family had brought me into total destitution and humiliation. And I'm supposed to still be in love with him, after all that? After losing everything that was good in my life because of him, because he didn't even have the courtesy to ask me if I wanted his attentions in the first place, I'm supposed to be desperately hurt that he's marrying someone else?

"Good riddance," JanDi murmured around JaeKyung's hair. Her friend shifted slightly.

"What was that?" she asked and JanDi immediately shook her head and shushed JaeKyung, rubbing her back again.

"Nothing. It's ok, Sunbae. I understand. I'm sorry, too. Please, don't cry anymore. Your eyes will be all puffy and you have a wedding to consider, after all. Right?" JanDi pulled away and held JaeKyung by the shoulders, smiling bravely at her. "You are good for JunPyo," she said. "He doesn't know how lucky he is."

"JanDi!" JaeKyung exclaimed, hugging her and crying all over again.

And though her heart was maybe a little broken, JanDi felt it mend some, too, as she sat holding her friend and comforting her. Things would be alright. Things would return to normal. She could pursue her dreams unhindered, once JunPyo was safely married off. Yes, she thought, this is what real relief and healing feels like. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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><p>JanDi felt the tears threatening and then falling, despite her best efforts. Why, she asked herself. Why was it always like this, always in front of him? She wiped at her face and felt herself growing angry.<p>

"Why?" she said aloud. "Why is everyone asking me that? Why are you all treating me like I'll never be the same again after this? Is JunPyo so special? Is he so important that I'll never love anyone ever again? Am I just supposed to act like an honorable widow from now on? Is my life over?" She looked up at JiHoo briefly, fiercely, before glancing away and wiping her cheeks again. "I'm still young," she insisted quietly. "I'll get over this. I will smile again. I've already smiled without him plenty of times. This is not the end of my world. JunPyo and his family don't deserve that kind of mourning from me. Not after everything they've done."

JiHoo tried only once to defend JunPyo. "His mother –"

"Doesn't own the world!" JanDi hissed. "He let those things happen. All of them, Sunbae! He said he loved me and then…he just let…" Oh, no. No, she was not going to pieces, not after that brave face she'd put on earlier. Not after being so determined that she'd already begun to put those feelings behind her. She felt JiHoo sit beside her, heard the rustle of fabric as he lifted a handkerchief to her face and she immediately blocked his hand.

"No," she said, knowing she was likely hurting him by refusing his help. Praying that he would forgive her taking her hurt out on him. She tried to soften the blow. "I wouldn't cry so much if you weren't always there to wipe my tears away. I rely on you too much, Sunbae," she murmured.

They were both quiet for a long moment and then she spoke again.

"Sunbae, that bright smile you said you liked so well…you know who took it away. And yet you still want me to go to him? To keep him? Knowing that I'm not the same anymore because of him?"

Another long pause and then, so softly she almost didn't feel it at first, his handkerchief wiped at her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. She looked up at him and he paused in drying her tears to look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

"What are you sorry for, Sunbae?"

"You're right," he said. "I knew that, and I still supported him, still encouraged you to be with him." He took her face in his hands. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean to make you apologize, JiHoo Sunbae…"

"I love you," he interrupted and she stopped short, her eyes going wide, her face still held gently between his hands.

"Sunbae…"

"JiHoo," he said. "Please, JanDi. No more Sunbae. I'm just…JiHoo. You've made me JiHoo. More than anyone else."

She was quiet for a moment, her eyes searching his, tears still streaking down her face as her heart tried to contend with the warring emotions: disappointment, resignation, consolation…hope. Most of all, hope. She knew suddenly why she was able to confront the future so bravely, earlier. Why she knew she would get over JunPyo; why she'd already begun to get over him.

"JiHoo," she finally mumbled, her voice strange and light in her ears. "I…I'm not…"

"I know," he replied, his voice as uncertain as hers, but that same wild hope burning in his eyes. His hands left her face and he leaned forward and pressed her close, holding her tightly. "I'm not asking you anything," he said, his voice low in her ear. "Just to let you know…that I'll wait for you. For when you are…when you think, one day, that you can…"

"JiHoo," she repeated and began crying in earnest, her tears soaking into his shoulder as he rocked her back and forth so gently. And her heart unburdened itself a little more.

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><p>JiHoo watched his friend, one his oldest and best, lie on the concrete beside the pool and explain that he could not – no, that he would not – give up JanDi. His eyes widened and he exhaled sharply in disbelief.<p>

"So that's why you wanted me to punch you."

"I'm sorry," JunPyo insisted, staring moodily out over the pool. "But it's the truth."

"No!" JiHoo shouted, unable to contain himself any longer. All the words he and JanDi had exchanged earlier, all the months of watching her mistreatment spiral out of control finally rose to a fever pitch in him. He wouldn't mince words with JunPyo, not this time. This time there was no promise of giving the other man a fair chance, of competing with him for JanDi's affection because this time…JanDi herself had no affection left to compete over.

"JiHoo?" JunPyo looked up at his friend in confusion as JiHoo clenched his fists and hovered over him.

"The truth is that you've treated JanDi like a possession this entire time. The truth is that she's given up everything for you, even when she didn't want to be with you any longer. The truth is that you've never made things right, or better. You only bring her pain, JunPyo, and I won't stand for it any longer."

"What…" JunPyo stared at JiHoo, then suddenly smiled. "Where is this coming from? Are you finally losing your cool? JiHoo, of the fourth dimension, who sleeps like a cat all day? What, I've made you that angry? Ok, JiHoo. I get it."

"No, you don't! This isn't a game, JunPyo! Marry JaeKyung, or don't, but leave JanDi alone. She doesn't want you anymore and she really doesn't need you."

The amused expression melted from JunPyo's face and he scrambled to his feet. "That's enough! I don't want to hear anymore. It's not funny, JiHoo!"

"No, neither is what's been done to JanDi, but you can actually fix that, or once."

"And how am I supposed to do that? What have I even done to her?"

"You have to ask that? Even now?"

JunPyo frowned and looked away. After a second, he shrugged. "Fine. Tell me how you want me to fix it."

"Leave her alone. Get your entire family to leave her alone. Even your sister means well, but she still made things worse."

"Leave my sister out of this!"

"Then leave JanDi out of this and I will!"

JunPyo whirled about to face down JiHoo and was temporarily taken aback at the anger and vitriol he saw in his friend's visage.

"JiHoo…" he mumbled and swallowed hard. JiHoo stared him down until JunPyo looked away again. "I love her," he said lamely and heard JiHoo snort with derision. "I do!" he insisted, looking back. JiHoo inclined his head, shoving his fists in his pockets in an attempt to control his anger.

"I know," he said tightly. "But that isn't what this is about. She deserves to be happy."

"And I can't make her happy?"

"No."

JunPyo gave his head a shake. "You didn't have to answer so quickly."

"There's no point in lying any longer."

JunPyo looked up at JiHoo again and weighed his words carefully before speaking.

"If I leave her alone, will I have to leave you alone, too?"

JiHoo seemed surprised by the question and some of his anger left him. His shoulder relaxed slightly.

"I don't know. I think…that depends on you."

JunPyo nodded and the two men stood together in silence, looking out across the water, the air about them heavy with the sounds of the night.

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><p><strong>AN: And that's all! Maybe I'll take out my frustrations in a similar fashion someday. Until then, hope you enjoyed this reimagining of the events of episode 21!<strong>


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